Parenting... the Best of Times and the Worst of Times!

I just had 2 weeks off with my son (I was off work and my son's daycare closed).  It was literally "the best of times AND the worst of times".  We made some good memories (a day-trip out with other moms and babies; playtime together in the kiddy pool, family trip, etc.) but there are also memories I wish I could forget and fear I won't.  I can't say which one of us was most frustrated or who cried more; I am still trying to convince myself I am the only one who can remember the bad times.  I have had my eyes open to the truth about parenting...it's hard and often not fun (for both parent and child).

I guess I had extra-high hopes of having a great time with my little Mister since my new job is not only full-time but permanent.  I was thinking of these weeks as a "last hurrah" of summer days together for us as Mommy and Toddler.  With our struggles to get him to nap, Hubby and I also planned to use the time to work on his sleeping ability (basically we agreed it was time to let him cry-it-out at nap times).  What we didn't factor in was the effect that would have on his personality, our relationship with him, or the rest of his established daily routines!  And niether of us even considered how "off" the time was already going to be for him, just because he was away from daycare (his "normal").  Being with Mommy all day, everyday was (I now realize) a big enough change and shock for him!

ADVICE: Never make major changes for your child when their everyday schedule is already turned upside-down!

I will forever ask myself if my son's behaviour changed so drastically these 2 weeks because of me forcing him to cry-it-out for naptime or was it just coincidence that he decided to leap head-first into his Terrible Twos at that time?  (By the way, whoever said they were terrible was sorely mistaken, they're IMPOSSIBLE Twos!)

Crying-it-Out: Had to give it a try

My son's been a co-sleeper since he was 5 months old; he' s now 20 months old.  For months now our little Mister's been taking up to 1.5hrs to wind down and fall asleep at nap times, and it's been my hubby's responsibility (twice a day) to do this...plus again in the evening at bedtime!  It's just ridiculous!  And it's critical time that we (Mommy and Daddy) could be spending together to improve our relationship! 

With me being home with our son this week and next, Hubby and I decided that for the sake of our marriage relationship and sanity, we had no other choice but to get our little Mister sleeping on his own at nap times and that letting him Cry-it-Out (CIO) would be the only way we'd ever get him to be able to fall asleep on his own.  I've been dreaming of being able to put him in his crib awake at nap times and walking away and him being able to fall asleep on his own...he does this at daycare!

Yesterday for his afternoon nap I started this process.  Took him upstairs when he was good and tired, told him it was time he napped alone and that I would be back to see him after his nap...and I left the room.  He screamed...bloody murder...for...three...long...hours!  He never fell asleep.  My hubby came home from work and got the "enjoy" the last hour of screaming while he held me as I cried my heart out.  We decided this wasn't right and we would go get our son and NEVER try this again.  When I opened his door to get him, I was slapped in the face with the stench of dirty diaper; my broken heart cracked even more.  How long had he been messy?   How could I do that do him?  Total and utter cruelty, to allow my child to be in a dirty diaper like that, screaming his head off to get my attention and me "sticking to my guns" that he was going to fall asleep alone and I was NOT going to go to him.  That is NOT the kind of parent I am!

I scooped him into my arms, both of us crying and hugged him to me as I carried him to the change table and through my tears cleaned him up.  We sat together on the bed and hugged more.  I reached for a tissue to blow my nose, wipe my tears.  Then he did the SWEETEST THING; with a big, oh-so-cute smile he climbed off my lap and grabbed a second tissue and reached out to wipe my face!  This is the child I just left screaming alone for three hours!  How forgiving, how innocent! 

At this point my hubby and I have decided that Crying-it-out is not going to work for our family.  We plan to resume our old ways; knowing that he won't demand co-sleeping at nap times forever.

Coming to an End

This is my last week at work.  My current contract is coming to an end.  I have had a great time working with good people and have also really enjoyed the work itself!  I can't even begin to tell you  how much I have learned about the publication process and various software!  This knowledge will definitely benefit me in future employment.

Thanks office buddies, it's been a blast!

Things are happening!

It's been a while...

I guess returning to work has kept me busy and away from here.  Things have been happening (family, health and work).

Benjamin is growing and more active than ever!  He is starting to use some words and figuring out that he can communicate things more effectively.  He now waves and says "bye-bye"...so cute! And he runs to the kitchen cupboard where some of his food comes from and says "na" (snack...he learned this from a girl at daycare).

Matthew is working hard at his new position at work.  It comes with some major responsibilities and stress, but he's doing great!

I've been working at my contract position for over 2 months now and I'm still loving it!  I've learned a lot and really enjoy what I am doing, (editing/correcting errors in published geological maps).  It's pretty nit-picky work and I love it!  The BIG news is that I had an interview this past week for a permanent position...got my figures crossed and lots of prayers happening, so here's hoping...(It was my best interview and I don't believe I could have prepared any more or better, so regardless of the outcome, I will know I did my best).  I should have an answer in the next couple of weeks...

As for my health, in early March I started back on Fluconazole for 1 month (after lengthy discussion with my Lactation Consultant and a doctor).  Right near the end of the month I got a throat and sinus infection that required antibiotics, which of course flared my yeast symptoms, so I stayed on the Fluconazole for an extra 10 days.  I got so fed up with my health!!!  I insisted on seeing my family doctor, having blood work done, a vag. swab, saw a dietitian and even signed up to see a Naturopathic Doctor.  My family doctor got the test results in and told me I was totally healthy (no yeast, no  bacteria, nothing), but if symptoms returned again, she would recommend an extended 6-month treatment of Fluconazole...6 more months of a drug I have tried over and over again for 1.5yrs!  No WAY!  And only AFTER that failed to fix my problems would she refer me to an infection specialist in town.  Ya, right...I really want to stay on this restricted diet for another 6 months with no change!

The Naturopath had different ideas...she looked at my test results and did a urine test (which no medical doctor had even thought to do).  She found/saw some interesting things and prescribed various treatments.  Guess what...I am getting better!  I am eating fruit for the first time in MONTHS with no yeast infection symptoms!  The Naturopath says I am a "text-book" case of chronic Candida infections; she pin-pointed the root of my problems in the urine analysis and within a week of treatment my symptoms disappeared!  I only feel better and better as treatment continues!  She believes I will be completely cured of my Candida issue (which is really a bacterial issue allowing the yeast to get out of control) and be able to return to a normal diet with no problems!!  I can't wait!...but for now, I am thoroughly enjoying the return of some fruit in my diet!  Very exciting stuff...at least it is for me!  Who knew...we've been treating the yeast infection (because those were the symptoms that I was feeling) instead of the underlying bacterial problem!

His First Major Accident

We've had our first experience with a real, bloody accident!

On March 18th, Benjamin took a tumble in the tub and hit his forehead so hard that he cut himself right down to the bone!  Daddy was even in the tub WITH him, it was just an accident; a wrong step and a sudden slip and fall.  I was in the kitchen, heard the !BANG! and went running!  I expected a big goose egg, not blood!  And it was all over both of them!  When I got a cloth to press on the cut, I saw his cute, adorable, oh so innocent eyebrow lift away from his face, well, skull I guess.  It is a sight no mom should have to witness...and I don't mind admitting that I totally lost it!  I was in tears and freaking out about what to do...I ran to get dressed, called my Dad in a panic (they rushed over to our place), came and got Benjamin wrapped in a towel and sitting on my lap and tried to press a cloth to his forehead while Daddy ran to get dried off and dressed.  Surprisingly the bleeding slowed quickly and pretty much stopped on its own.  We got him dried, diapered and dressed.  My Dad and Carole arrived and Benjamin was totally calm, quite while I cried like crazy.  Dad and Carole drove us to the hospital while Matthew followed in our car.  We checked in at the Emergency at about 8:30pm and were told it was an 8hr wait.

Benjamin was a trooper, (and I got my crying under control, too).  He walked around the waiting room, calm and relatively happy, interacting with people and eventually snuggling with me and then Daddy.  He finally fell asleep on us around 11pm.  We got called in to see the doctor at 12:15am.  We were told there were 2 ways of doing the stitches, giving a little drowsy medication so Benjamin wouldn't really know what was happening (our favorite option) OR the could swaddle him and just do it fast and as the doctor joked "he'd sort it out in therapy when he was an adult"...NOT our favorite option.  Unfortunately there was no bed available for the "sleepy" option, so within minutes there were two nurses flying around us getting things ready for stitching up our precious son.  They swaddled him up tight as possible and Matthew and I had to help the two nurses hold him down (that's four adults to one toddler!) while the doctor gave him a local anesthetic needle and started stitching right away (did that drug even have time to numb the site!?) 

I have NEVER heard my baby cry like that...and don't wish that experience on any parent.  It was the longest stretch of time I can remember, although it really probably took about 15 minutes.  When it was over, the poor little guy was sweaty as all get out, and SO exhausted!  He just snuggled into me and held on for dear life...poor buddy!  We were able to gather our things and head home right away though.  We were home by 1:15am (not bad since we were told it would take at least 8hrs and it was less than 5hrs).

Here are some pics of our amazing and "ruggedly" handsome little man.

Home from the Hospital.

First look at his 7 stitches.

The scar, revealed.

Candida Symptoms Update

I spoke with my Lactation Consultant and she recommended I return to the strict (Stage 2) Candida Diet for 1 week and if I symptoms were gone again I could start SLOWLY reintroducing the foods recommended in Stage 3.  She suggested I maintain a high intake of probiotics for good, basically; as well as the recommended 3 doses of 250mg Grapefruit Seed Extract per day.  She figures my body just needs the extra help to stay more alkaline (yeast flourish in an acidic environment). Oh ya, she also said the pain in my breast could not have been yeast if it cleared up in less than 2 days; a yeast infection that painful would have required the Fluconazole to clear up.  She suggested it was a blocked duct or something along those lines, caused by pressure(s) on the breast (my bras have been fitting loosely from the weight loss, and I recalled adjusting one strangely one night to keep that breast from falling out, so it was probably the cause of a blockage/deep breast pain).

I did the one strict week (lost another 5lbs!) and then began eating Stage 3 foods.  First grapefruit, then beans in a chili, raspberries, blueberries, brown rice pasta, flavoured brown rice rice cakes (with no yeast), etc.  So far so good.  But...I have been doing a Canesten treatment at the same time, (my hubby thought why not help kill the yeast - at one point when I was pregnant the midwives said it couldn't hurt to do a vaginal treatment "just in case" - so that was his logic).  I have chosen to avoid major carbs like breads, baked goods, etc.  I am still staying away from anything sweet/sugary (I doubt I'll be able to handle that stuff ever again until after I stop breastfeeding)...

At this point, I want to keep breastfeeding (and so does my son!), so I've resigned myself to this new way of eating.  But it's not all that bad...and the weight keeps coming off, so that's a great encouragement.  It's taught me that what I eat really does have a consequence in regards to how I feel and how I look!

Candida Symptoms Return - Part 2

Sunday night was rough.  During the day Sunday my left breast began to hurt and last night it just got more and more sore, deep inside the breast tissue.  One side of it seems almost lumpy and extremely painful...yeast!  I have called and left a message for my LC (its a holiday here today).  I have no idea what to do about my diet (Stage 3 or back to Stage 2), and now that the symptoms are this bad, would she recommend I begin taking Fluconazole again?  This thrush/Candida thing is tough to beat!

On a more positive note, my milk blister on the right nipple seems to be mending wonderfully, I don't feel it at all anymore.