We didn't set out to co-sleep with our son. It sort of chose us; or rather, our son taught us that it was what he needed and it's been a wonderful experience for our family.
"They" Say...
Long before we had Mister, we knew of family and friends who let their kids sleep in bed with them and we thought they were CrAzY; that was definitely something we would never do. A child belongs in their crib; needs to be independent; and as long as they are fed and dry, let them cry...at least that's what we'd been told our whole lives.
How do you parent your baby?
Mister arrived at 11:30pm on Wednesday, November 17th, 2010 at home in our bed (unplanned home birth). He hardly fussed at all and was a perfect little bundle! It took about 24 hours before we heard him cry for the first time at bedtime the next night. Nothing in the world could have prepared us for the impact that little cry would have on our hearts! It didn't take us long to realize this little guy depended on us for everything; physical needs and emotional needs.
He was jaundiced and we were instructed to keep in just a diaper in front of the windows as much as possible. This led us to hold him lots in the first week, to snuggle him close to our bodies for warmth while he was dressed in so little. It worked, on the very day the midwifes were ready to send us to the hospital due to his jaundice, they came and determined it was getting better at last. So, no hospital for Mister. I guess it was because of this first intense week that we got used to holding him lots and enjoyed holding him. This led to friends and family members telling us "you're spoiling him; put him down". But one friend told us she had practiced attachment parenting and that you can't "spoil" your baby by holding him and by responding to his cries you're teaching him that you are there for him when he needs you. She lent us a book by Dr. William Sears called "Christian Parenting and Child Care". I had spent my pregnancy reading books about pregnancy and labour and delivery; in hindsight I should have read about parenting!
Dr. Sears promotes attachment parenting: you can't be there for your child enough, you can't hold your child too much and you don't have to listen to your baby's cry - you can answer it and sooth your baby as much as they need. Also, nighttime parenting: parenting doesn't stop at 7pm and resume at 7am...you are a parent to your baby 24/7; if you are there for your baby when he cries at 3pm, you need to be there for him when he cries at 3am. My hubby and I liked these parenting principles...because we loved our little guy so much...and realized he was so dependent on us for everything! The old saying of "as long as they are fed and dry, let them cry" only addresses a baby's physical needs. But humans are emotional creatures and need to connect with one another; especially a helpless, dependent little baby; he needs to bond with his parents and know they will be there for him whenever he calls (i.e. cries). Therefore we decided we would not let him "cry it out" (CIO).
How & Why We Started Co-sleeping
Mister slept in a bassinet in our room for the first 5 months. He did pretty well. See Sleep History for details.
As he and I got more efficient at breastfeeding, I decided to bring him into bed with me in the early mornings, his last waking before Daddy would be getting up for work. This was such a special time for me, (and I am sure it was for Mister), to hold my baby close, breastfeed and snuggle and touch him and just look at each other. What tender moments! It was when he was 5 months old and about to out-grow his bassinet when we made the switch to his crib and he did not like it! Bedtime became almost a living hell...all day, everyday, we dreaded the approaching evening. It took us 3-4 hours to get Mister to sleep in his crib; every time he fell asleep in our arms and we'd lift him over the railing to lay him down, he'd wake up more frustrated, more tired...and we'd be exhausted! But eventually we'd get him to sleep in his crib and leave the room...only to be woken up 1-2 hours later for the process to start all over again!
After a couple of weeks on this schedule and his sleep time in the crib getting shorter and shorter, we realized sleep was priority (for all three of us), and it would easily happen if Mister came to bed with me. So that's what we did and have been doing it ever since. Bedtime immediately stopped being a battle and was a delightful time. Mister would see me climb into bed and expose a breast and he'd giggle as Daddy laid him beside me. He'd nurse himself to sleep, then I'd roll over and read and go to sleep. Co-sleeping with my son has been a wonderful experience for our family!
Co-Sleeping Safety Tips:
- Never co-sleep with baby if you have had alcohol or drugs.
- Never smoke in bed with baby.
- Never leave baby (awake) alone on your bed.
- Before baby is able to roll around, install double bed-rails on your bed as a safety precaution.
View posts labeled Co-sleeping, Breastfeeding, Dr. William Sears
