Parenting... the Best of Times and the Worst of Times!

I just had 2 weeks off with my son (I was off work and my son's daycare closed).  It was literally "the best of times AND the worst of times".  We made some good memories (a day-trip out with other moms and babies; playtime together in the kiddy pool, family trip, etc.) but there are also memories I wish I could forget and fear I won't.  I can't say which one of us was most frustrated or who cried more; I am still trying to convince myself I am the only one who can remember the bad times.  I have had my eyes open to the truth about parenting...it's hard and often not fun (for both parent and child).

I guess I had extra-high hopes of having a great time with my little Mister since my new job is not only full-time but permanent.  I was thinking of these weeks as a "last hurrah" of summer days together for us as Mommy and Toddler.  With our struggles to get him to nap, Hubby and I also planned to use the time to work on his sleeping ability (basically we agreed it was time to let him cry-it-out at nap times).  What we didn't factor in was the effect that would have on his personality, our relationship with him, or the rest of his established daily routines!  And niether of us even considered how "off" the time was already going to be for him, just because he was away from daycare (his "normal").  Being with Mommy all day, everyday was (I now realize) a big enough change and shock for him!

ADVICE: Never make major changes for your child when their everyday schedule is already turned upside-down!

I will forever ask myself if my son's behaviour changed so drastically these 2 weeks because of me forcing him to cry-it-out for naptime or was it just coincidence that he decided to leap head-first into his Terrible Twos at that time?  (By the way, whoever said they were terrible was sorely mistaken, they're IMPOSSIBLE Twos!)

Crying-it-Out: Had to give it a try

My son's been a co-sleeper since he was 5 months old; he' s now 20 months old.  For months now our little Mister's been taking up to 1.5hrs to wind down and fall asleep at nap times, and it's been my hubby's responsibility (twice a day) to do this...plus again in the evening at bedtime!  It's just ridiculous!  And it's critical time that we (Mommy and Daddy) could be spending together to improve our relationship! 

With me being home with our son this week and next, Hubby and I decided that for the sake of our marriage relationship and sanity, we had no other choice but to get our little Mister sleeping on his own at nap times and that letting him Cry-it-Out (CIO) would be the only way we'd ever get him to be able to fall asleep on his own.  I've been dreaming of being able to put him in his crib awake at nap times and walking away and him being able to fall asleep on his own...he does this at daycare!

Yesterday for his afternoon nap I started this process.  Took him upstairs when he was good and tired, told him it was time he napped alone and that I would be back to see him after his nap...and I left the room.  He screamed...bloody murder...for...three...long...hours!  He never fell asleep.  My hubby came home from work and got the "enjoy" the last hour of screaming while he held me as I cried my heart out.  We decided this wasn't right and we would go get our son and NEVER try this again.  When I opened his door to get him, I was slapped in the face with the stench of dirty diaper; my broken heart cracked even more.  How long had he been messy?   How could I do that do him?  Total and utter cruelty, to allow my child to be in a dirty diaper like that, screaming his head off to get my attention and me "sticking to my guns" that he was going to fall asleep alone and I was NOT going to go to him.  That is NOT the kind of parent I am!

I scooped him into my arms, both of us crying and hugged him to me as I carried him to the change table and through my tears cleaned him up.  We sat together on the bed and hugged more.  I reached for a tissue to blow my nose, wipe my tears.  Then he did the SWEETEST THING; with a big, oh-so-cute smile he climbed off my lap and grabbed a second tissue and reached out to wipe my face!  This is the child I just left screaming alone for three hours!  How forgiving, how innocent! 

At this point my hubby and I have decided that Crying-it-out is not going to work for our family.  We plan to resume our old ways; knowing that he won't demand co-sleeping at nap times forever.

Coming to an End

This is my last week at work.  My current contract is coming to an end.  I have had a great time working with good people and have also really enjoyed the work itself!  I can't even begin to tell you  how much I have learned about the publication process and various software!  This knowledge will definitely benefit me in future employment.

Thanks office buddies, it's been a blast!

Things are happening!

It's been a while...

I guess returning to work has kept me busy and away from here.  Things have been happening (family, health and work).

Benjamin is growing and more active than ever!  He is starting to use some words and figuring out that he can communicate things more effectively.  He now waves and says "bye-bye"...so cute! And he runs to the kitchen cupboard where some of his food comes from and says "na" (snack...he learned this from a girl at daycare).

Matthew is working hard at his new position at work.  It comes with some major responsibilities and stress, but he's doing great!

I've been working at my contract position for over 2 months now and I'm still loving it!  I've learned a lot and really enjoy what I am doing, (editing/correcting errors in published geological maps).  It's pretty nit-picky work and I love it!  The BIG news is that I had an interview this past week for a permanent position...got my figures crossed and lots of prayers happening, so here's hoping...(It was my best interview and I don't believe I could have prepared any more or better, so regardless of the outcome, I will know I did my best).  I should have an answer in the next couple of weeks...

As for my health, in early March I started back on Fluconazole for 1 month (after lengthy discussion with my Lactation Consultant and a doctor).  Right near the end of the month I got a throat and sinus infection that required antibiotics, which of course flared my yeast symptoms, so I stayed on the Fluconazole for an extra 10 days.  I got so fed up with my health!!!  I insisted on seeing my family doctor, having blood work done, a vag. swab, saw a dietitian and even signed up to see a Naturopathic Doctor.  My family doctor got the test results in and told me I was totally healthy (no yeast, no  bacteria, nothing), but if symptoms returned again, she would recommend an extended 6-month treatment of Fluconazole...6 more months of a drug I have tried over and over again for 1.5yrs!  No WAY!  And only AFTER that failed to fix my problems would she refer me to an infection specialist in town.  Ya, right...I really want to stay on this restricted diet for another 6 months with no change!

The Naturopath had different ideas...she looked at my test results and did a urine test (which no medical doctor had even thought to do).  She found/saw some interesting things and prescribed various treatments.  Guess what...I am getting better!  I am eating fruit for the first time in MONTHS with no yeast infection symptoms!  The Naturopath says I am a "text-book" case of chronic Candida infections; she pin-pointed the root of my problems in the urine analysis and within a week of treatment my symptoms disappeared!  I only feel better and better as treatment continues!  She believes I will be completely cured of my Candida issue (which is really a bacterial issue allowing the yeast to get out of control) and be able to return to a normal diet with no problems!!  I can't wait!...but for now, I am thoroughly enjoying the return of some fruit in my diet!  Very exciting stuff...at least it is for me!  Who knew...we've been treating the yeast infection (because those were the symptoms that I was feeling) instead of the underlying bacterial problem!

His First Major Accident

We've had our first experience with a real, bloody accident!

On March 18th, Benjamin took a tumble in the tub and hit his forehead so hard that he cut himself right down to the bone!  Daddy was even in the tub WITH him, it was just an accident; a wrong step and a sudden slip and fall.  I was in the kitchen, heard the !BANG! and went running!  I expected a big goose egg, not blood!  And it was all over both of them!  When I got a cloth to press on the cut, I saw his cute, adorable, oh so innocent eyebrow lift away from his face, well, skull I guess.  It is a sight no mom should have to witness...and I don't mind admitting that I totally lost it!  I was in tears and freaking out about what to do...I ran to get dressed, called my Dad in a panic (they rushed over to our place), came and got Benjamin wrapped in a towel and sitting on my lap and tried to press a cloth to his forehead while Daddy ran to get dried off and dressed.  Surprisingly the bleeding slowed quickly and pretty much stopped on its own.  We got him dried, diapered and dressed.  My Dad and Carole arrived and Benjamin was totally calm, quite while I cried like crazy.  Dad and Carole drove us to the hospital while Matthew followed in our car.  We checked in at the Emergency at about 8:30pm and were told it was an 8hr wait.

Benjamin was a trooper, (and I got my crying under control, too).  He walked around the waiting room, calm and relatively happy, interacting with people and eventually snuggling with me and then Daddy.  He finally fell asleep on us around 11pm.  We got called in to see the doctor at 12:15am.  We were told there were 2 ways of doing the stitches, giving a little drowsy medication so Benjamin wouldn't really know what was happening (our favorite option) OR the could swaddle him and just do it fast and as the doctor joked "he'd sort it out in therapy when he was an adult"...NOT our favorite option.  Unfortunately there was no bed available for the "sleepy" option, so within minutes there were two nurses flying around us getting things ready for stitching up our precious son.  They swaddled him up tight as possible and Matthew and I had to help the two nurses hold him down (that's four adults to one toddler!) while the doctor gave him a local anesthetic needle and started stitching right away (did that drug even have time to numb the site!?) 

I have NEVER heard my baby cry like that...and don't wish that experience on any parent.  It was the longest stretch of time I can remember, although it really probably took about 15 minutes.  When it was over, the poor little guy was sweaty as all get out, and SO exhausted!  He just snuggled into me and held on for dear life...poor buddy!  We were able to gather our things and head home right away though.  We were home by 1:15am (not bad since we were told it would take at least 8hrs and it was less than 5hrs).

Here are some pics of our amazing and "ruggedly" handsome little man.

Home from the Hospital.

First look at his 7 stitches.

The scar, revealed.

Candida Symptoms Update

I spoke with my Lactation Consultant and she recommended I return to the strict (Stage 2) Candida Diet for 1 week and if I symptoms were gone again I could start SLOWLY reintroducing the foods recommended in Stage 3.  She suggested I maintain a high intake of probiotics for good, basically; as well as the recommended 3 doses of 250mg Grapefruit Seed Extract per day.  She figures my body just needs the extra help to stay more alkaline (yeast flourish in an acidic environment). Oh ya, she also said the pain in my breast could not have been yeast if it cleared up in less than 2 days; a yeast infection that painful would have required the Fluconazole to clear up.  She suggested it was a blocked duct or something along those lines, caused by pressure(s) on the breast (my bras have been fitting loosely from the weight loss, and I recalled adjusting one strangely one night to keep that breast from falling out, so it was probably the cause of a blockage/deep breast pain).

I did the one strict week (lost another 5lbs!) and then began eating Stage 3 foods.  First grapefruit, then beans in a chili, raspberries, blueberries, brown rice pasta, flavoured brown rice rice cakes (with no yeast), etc.  So far so good.  But...I have been doing a Canesten treatment at the same time, (my hubby thought why not help kill the yeast - at one point when I was pregnant the midwives said it couldn't hurt to do a vaginal treatment "just in case" - so that was his logic).  I have chosen to avoid major carbs like breads, baked goods, etc.  I am still staying away from anything sweet/sugary (I doubt I'll be able to handle that stuff ever again until after I stop breastfeeding)...

At this point, I want to keep breastfeeding (and so does my son!), so I've resigned myself to this new way of eating.  But it's not all that bad...and the weight keeps coming off, so that's a great encouragement.  It's taught me that what I eat really does have a consequence in regards to how I feel and how I look!

Candida Symptoms Return - Part 2

Sunday night was rough.  During the day Sunday my left breast began to hurt and last night it just got more and more sore, deep inside the breast tissue.  One side of it seems almost lumpy and extremely painful...yeast!  I have called and left a message for my LC (its a holiday here today).  I have no idea what to do about my diet (Stage 3 or back to Stage 2), and now that the symptoms are this bad, would she recommend I begin taking Fluconazole again?  This thrush/Candida thing is tough to beat!

On a more positive note, my milk blister on the right nipple seems to be mending wonderfully, I don't feel it at all anymore.

Candida Symptoms Return - Part 1

I woke to nurse Mister at 3am and my left nipple was so sore; yeast all over again.  I'll start using the APNO after every feed and see how things progress.  I'll increase my Grapefruit Seed Extract intake to 3 doses a day and increase my probiotics to 50,000 BCU twice a day.

Looks like I'm going to have to continue on the CD indefinitely, at least as long as I want to continue breastfeeding.  I just don't know if I can return to strictly following Stage 3 or if I need to go right back and repeat the initial Stage 2 for 28 days.  I kind of figure that if the yeast has regrown enough to cause these symptoms all over again, I probably need to promote another Die-Off (which will not be fun because it made me really sick and now I am working full time).

10 Days Post-Candida Diet Update

Don't you just hate when you've written almost an entire post and your computer decides it's suddenly the perfect time for an update/reboot?  

Yup, I had a wonderfully detailed post of my last 10 days 
in regards to my choice of foods as I finished the 
Candida Diet and began reintroducing foods.  

In the last few days of the diet I began using Kraft salad dressings (just got so tired of lemon juice and olive oil) - and yes they contain a little sugar and some vinegar.  Then I began making smoothies for breakfast as a way of introducing 2 of the recommended berries (blueberries and raspberries - lower sugar); mixing them with plain yogurt.  I then had a few meals of brown rice pasta with Parmesan cheese (avoided during CD due to potential for mould).  I thought it was perfect timing when I saw Kellogg's come out with Brown Rice Rice Crispies, so I began having about 1/2cup of that for breakfast (but with 1% milk which does contain sugar - still have not developed a taste for almond milk).

Note: I have continued to take one dose of probiotics and grapefruit seed extract daily.

The worst has been this last week; I've returned to work.  At work I had one cup of coffee each day (that means caffeine; and with milk sometimes which means some sugar).  Wednesday night we went out for dinner to celebrate our 4th anniversary and I figured I'd been so good while on the diet that I'd treat myself to a real dessert.  I ordered a slice of decadent chocolate cake which we shared some of and brought the rest home.  We had more of it for dessert on Thursday after having pizza for supper (I only had 2 small pieces).  But today was the kicker at work; I had a chocolate glazed doughnut in the morning and in the afternoon I indulged in red licorice and some smarties.  I know, what was I thinking?

Tonight I am wondering if I am beginning to feel vaginal yeast symptoms (there is the potential that it's simply pre-period twangs of pain).  If it's yeast symptoms, that means I will have to re-start the diet ALL OVER AGAIN!  (and I still have some of that amazing chocolate cake left in the fridge). This makes me wonder what I might have done wrong the first time because if all the yeast was killed off as it should have been, how could it repopulate to a point of causing symptoms so quickly?  In some ways I don't mind the thought of getting back on the CD; as I felt quite healthy and loved the bonus weight loss (I've been getting lots of compliments lately)!   I know that before I said that if my yeast issue returned, I would consider weaning Benjamin and stopping breastfeeding, but I am not ready to give up breastfeeding (and I now know that I can survive the CD - I'll admit the weight loss is bonus encouragement to repeat the CD).  My major concern about starting to follow the CD again will be the likely "die-off" symptoms (I felt so sick last time, I could hardly do anything for the first week and a half).  I need to be able to manage at work now.

Well, who am I kidding...I'll finish the rest of the piece of chocolate cake in the fridge tomorrow and THEN I'll decide if I'll begin following the CD again.

Every argument against Nursing-in-Public debunked - Newly expanded

I just came across this link/article by Elsinora and LOVED what she had to say!  Wish I could remember it word for word when people question my beliefs/practices about Nursing-In-Public (NIP).

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a31512833/every_argument_against_nip_debunked

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter!

1st Day Back to Work

I was worried. 

I was nervous.  I don't know why.  I knew where I would be working.  I knew the people (or most of them) with whom I'd be working. 

Of course everything went well...except that my computer log-in information didn't work; I didn't have the computer access authority to create the network drives I need; oh and I forgot that my water bottle was actually carbonated water and it erupted all over me at the table in the lunch room in front of most of my co-workers. 

Ya, what was I so worried about?

Candida Diet - Summary of my food choices

I meant to do a little more blogging, tracking my progress on the CD.  Today is Day 24.  I can't believe I am so close to being done the 28 days I set out to do.  I have done very well, if I say so myself.  It's been interesting to see how my "sweet tooth" has changed, over the course of the last 24 days, I've been using less and less Stevia, if at all.  Here is a summary of typical foods I've been eating.

Beverages:
- water with lemon juice
- less than 1 coffee per day (usually decaf; makes a nice "dessert" in the evening sweetened with Stevia)

Breakfast:
- 2 eggs (scrambled - sometimes with veggies mixed in, over easy)
- Bacon (Maple Leaf has a new "Natural Selections" with no chemicals/preservatives and 0 carbs!)
- sometimes 2 Tomato slices
- rarely 1 Brown rice cake (plain) [7g carbs]

Snack Options:
- Celery sticks or
-  Brown rice cake (cheddar cheese flavor) [7g carbs] or
- Nuts (almonds, walnuts, sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds)

Lunch:
- Salad
     - spinach or mixed greens
     - veggies (snow peas, cucumber, celery, tomato)
     - sometimes topped with leftover chicken
     - homemade dressings (lemon juice/E.V. Olive Oil/herbs or E.V. Olive Oil/plain yogurt/herbs)

Snack Options:
- Celery Sticks or
- Snow Peas or
- Raw Turnip (I enjoyed the crunchy veggies as snacks) or
- Brown rice cake (cheddar cheese flavor) [7g carbs] or
- Nuts

Dinner:
- Meat (chicken, pork or salmon - cooked in Coconut Oil on the George Foreman Grill)
- Steamed veggies (turnip, asparagus, green beans, etc).

Dessert/Evening Snack:
- Coffee (sweetened with Stevia)
- Walnuts and pecans chopped up in plain yogurt (sweetened with Stevia)

Co-sleeping - Still feeling the pressure...

Searching through one of my favorite blogs (andmybaby.ie) I found a wonderful post that reminded me of many reasons we began co-sleeping and still co-sleep (see post here).  The post also suggested an article and video on co-sleeping by Alexandria Thom Durell which appeared on CNN.  I loved this video!  Thank you Durell Family for your willingness to talk about your family's co-sleeping arrangements!  The original post also refers to James McKenna, a "guru" on the subject of co-sleeping (see links to his website and info on my resources page).

Everywhere I go to look up information on babies and toddlers, one statement rings true: "They don't stay small for long".  If that is true, why am I feeling pressured to change something I so strongly believe in when it's only going to be an issue for such a short (and oh so precious) amount of time?  Eventually there will come a day when my son doesn't want snuggles with Mommy, when he wants his own space...like one of the above mentioned items said, eventually he'll be a teenager who won't want to come out of his own room!  What is so wrong with wanting to enjoy our special bond and the times that he does want to be close to Mommy?

I figure that to deal with the issue of hubby and I not being together at night, we simply need to get us all in one bed.  BUT...unfortunately, because of my back pain issues, we can't put mattresses on the floor to create a "family sleep room".  We can't fit a king-size bed in any of our bedrooms, let alone afford one.  So, I've run out of ideas...

All I know is that my husband wants to be beside me (which is awesome, of course) and my son wants to be beside me (which is also awesome in my books)...but I feel like I can't please them both, so what am I to do?

Confused, Torn & Stressed about Our Sleeping Arrangements

My hubby's been sleeping in a separate room since our son was only 3 weeks old, (at the recommendation of a therapist/counselor who suggested the arrangement so he would get sleep while I took care of the baby at night).   My son began sleeping in a bassinet, but we have been co-sleeping since he was 5 mths old.  This arrangement has worked wonderfully for our family...but I am no longer so sure it's wonderful...

Our little man is now 14.5 months.  We have been using tips from The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley for the last few months to get him used to his crib.  Instead of bringing his crib into my room, we moved my bed into his room.  He still hates his crib and cannot be placed in it when he's awake.  He has to be sound asleep beside me in bed and only then be moved into the crib.  He lasts in there for anywhere from 30 mins to 2 hrs and then wakes and needs to come back to bed with me. 

Our little Mister is a "high-needs baby" as defined by Dr. W. Sears (our son is very similar to the Dr's 4th child which he writes about).  He is a wonderfully happy little guy, content and confident...as long as he is close to me (and breasts) at nap-time/bedtime and throughout the night.  People have often commented that he is the happiest baby they've ever seen.  I think it stems directly from the close bond and deep trust he has in me and his Daddy, that his world is complete and that we meet his intense needs of closeness and love.

So why do I feel like our sleeping arrangements are not working?  Lately, I have had a few people whom I trust and look up to make comments about our family sleeping arrangements:

• Not conducive to a healthy marriage (no opportunity for intimacy).
• Now that my hubby says he wants to sleep in the same bed as me again, (and I'm not sure I want to stop co-sleeping with my son), that I am not respecting/honouring my husband, (which tears me up inside, because of course I want to be with my hubby, but I also want to be the kind of mother my son needs).
• I should stop breastfeeding so my son learns to sleeps through the night.
• We should just let our son Cry-It-Out and let him learn to put himself to sleep without mommy/breasts, (but I am so fearful of the terror and doubt this will cause my little boy; and thank God, my hubby agrees with me!).

I feel like I am the only one who sees our son's personality for what it is and understands that he needs me more because of it.  I feel like I am the only one who sees the value in making the personal sacrifice of not sleeping with my hubby to give our son what he needs right now.  I didn't ask for a high-needs baby, but I've got one, so why is it wrong for me to want to parent him the way he seems to need?  Will my marriage suffer that much or are there other ways hubby and I could make up for lost time of sleeping side by side?

Hubby and I chatted last night and planned that I will continue to let our son nurse and fall asleep in bed with me and then move him to his crib once he is asleep.  This way, we hope he will grow more and more comfortable with his crib and with sleeping away from me.  But I will let him sleep with me if he needs it, i.e. teething, sick, etc. and is in need of that extra comfort.

Wifehood vs. Motherhood; why is this so hard?

Grapefruit Seed Extract and Breastfeeding

Over the holidays I stopped into a local health food store to pick up my usual grapefruit seed extract capsules (GSE) and ask what else I could do/take to raise the pH of my body to help fight off yeast (yeast thrive in an acidic environment).  I spoke with a young woman, maybe my age, maybe even a bit younger.  When I showed her the bottle of GSE I was buying and told her I'd been taking it on and off with Fluconazole over the last year, she freaked!  Literally freaked that I was breastfeeding and taking GSE.  She told me it was awful for me to be doing that, that it transfers to the baby and harms not only my body's balance of yeast and probiotics, but also that of the baby's...(Boy, did I feel like an awful mom!)

BUT...I have been told to take GSE by my Lactation Consultant who referenced the recommendations made by Dr. Jack Newman from the International Breastfeeding Clinic in Toronto, Ontario.  He is considered Canada's "guru" on breastfeeding do's and don't's!  So, I will continue to trust the experts and not some young person who felt the need to verbally attack a horomone-ridden new mother!

Grieving...

Tonight I was told that my Aunt Renata passed away. She was one of my favorite people on earth (now in Heaven!).

She suffered from breast cancer for about 2 years.  Her devoted husband and daughters took care of her the entire time.  Thank you!!!

As sad as I am that she is no longer with us, I rejoice in knowing she is in the arms of our loving Heavenly Father, cancer-free, pain-free and totally peaceful (although I am sure she misses her family and friends - I just remind myself she will be there to greet us when it's our turn!).

Renata, I love you and will always treasure my time with you!  Until we meet again...

I've Finally Started the Candida Diet

After over a year of suffering on and off with thrush/candida yeast infections, I've finally admitted to myself that I have no other option but to do the Candida Diet.

Our midwives suggested it way back when we were first diagnosed with thrush.  My lactation consultant has told me for about a year that this is what I need to do.  When I have asked employees at health food stores what I could do to battle yeast, they all said I need to do the Candida Diet.  On Friday, I spoke again with the doctor that prescribed me the most recent, long-term treatment of Fluconazole.  She told me that being on and off of Fluconazole for months like I have been is really not wise.  She said that if the yeast comes back again, she highly doubted another doctor will prescribe me this type of treatment with Fluconazole ever again.  The drug is very strong and extremely hard on the liver.  (And Benjamin does get some through my milk, too).  So, she said that I am really running out of options to deal with my yeast problems.  She asked how long I plan to continue breastfeeding; because she believes that if I stopped, I'd no longer have trouble with yeast.  (I have no plans to stop any time soon).  Then she conclude that doing the diet is really my last option if I want to keep breastfeeding and be thrush/candida free.

I've been reading lots about it, trying to find a list of foods to eat/avoid that I could follow.  Every website says something different.  I know the whole premise is to cut out sugars and carbs to starve the yeast and kill it off.

After my discussion with the doctor, I know the severity of the situation now, and that my breastfeeding is on the line.  I definitely don't want to give that up!

So, Saturday, January 14th I woke up determined.  I announced to my hubby that I was starting the "diet" that day.  Everyone I spoke with said I need to do it for 28 days, it's only 28 days of my life, and in jeopardy is my health, my son's health and our breastfeeding relationship.  So, I am totally on board and I will do this! 

Today is day 4 and I am doing well.  The mornings have been the toughest, because I have woken up weak, light-headed and a little nauseous (all expected symptoms resulting from candida die-off)...but still hard to deal with.  This morning was a little better, so hopefully I am on the up-swing and my mornings will get better.

Finally wrote my Breastfeeding Story

I finally got around to writing my tale.  I think that because it is a topic so precious and dear to my heart, I've been afraid to write it.  Please check out my breastfeeding story here.

Milk Blister

WARNING: This post contains description of nipple treatment...

I have been taking 200mg of Fluconazole per day to treat Thrush/Candida.  It's been over a month of this but I didn't want to lower the dose until I was pain free for a week (Dr. Newman's protocol).  The pain has always been more intense on my right nipple and I decided to investigate a little closer.  I realized the pain on my right nipple was extremely focused to one side.  There it was, a milk blister* (I had one a while back on the other nipple; before which I had never heard of it).  Last time, I looked it up and discovered it's caused by a pocket of milk trapped behind a layer of skin.  So this morning I just took a pin (cleaned with rubbing alcohol) and pricked the skin (barely felt a thing).  The intensity of the pain diminished immediately and after about 30 minutes there's hardly any pain at all when I touch it.  Hooray!  Now I will focus on keeping it clean (soap, APNO or maybe some Polysporin) and letting it heal!
Maybe that's the pain I've been feeling for a while and I am symptom-free of thrush?  I'm seeing a Dr. tomorrow night, so I'll find out how she wants me to proceed with the Fluconazole.

*For more information on Milk Blisters, see kellymom.com How to Treat a Milk Blister.

Sleep Situation Update

Benjamin's been doing great at falling asleep without the breast...he feeds, I tell him it's "all done" and cover myself up.  Then we snuggle, sometimes he plays a bit and eventually he settles down on his crib mattress half-draped on me or snug up beside me and drifts off to sleep.

But guess what...Benjamin is now sleeping at least half the night IN his crib, with my bed about 2 ft away.  We started this on the 4th or 5th.  We put the crib railing back on and had a game plan of following Elizabeth Pantley's idea of moving him into the crib sleepy, but still awake, so he'd learn to fall asleep there on his own.  Matthew even moved upstairs to be with us to help me out.  It took us a few tries of him drifting off to sleep beside me, moving him, he'd get upset and stand up in the crib and cry.  We took him out and snuggled back in bed with him until he settled again and we tried to move him again.  After about an hour of this, I mentioned Pantley's "Sneaky Way", where you wait until baby is sound asleep before moving him to the crib.  We did this, waited about 20 minutes, moved him and he slept as usual, a couple hours before waking up crying and mad that he was alone in his crib.  We answered him right away (we were both sleeping 2 ft away) and brought him to bed with us for nursing and snuggles.  We repeated this throughout the night, each time he woke up, nursed, and waited for him to be asleep before moving him.

This method has been working for the last few nights...and a surprising discovery...Benjamin has stopped crying when he wakes up in his crib, he just stands up and "babbles" enough to wake me up, and with a happy, delighted tone of voice I congratulate him for good sleeping in his bed and immediately go get him and bring him into my bed.  I'm now waiting about 15 minutes before moving him back into the crib.  He barely rouses, tucks his knees under his tummy, sticking his little bum in the air and peacefully sleeps. 

I have also started putting a blanket on him; I wondered if he is waking because he is cold, since he is used to being warm beside me.  Last night was a great night...he slept in his crib for hours at a time and woke up content.  At 4am I woke him up from all my coughing, so I brought him to bed with me and kept him there for the rest of the night.  Poor guy, I hate disturbing him...that will be one bonus of being able to let him sleep alone - I won't bug him!

The Thrush Saga Continues...

Even days after finishing my last antibiotic my breasts/nipples were still really sore.  For 4 days I applied Gentian Violet in the morning after showering (and washed it off before nursing in the afternoon when Benjamin came home from daycare).

I was told by my lactation consultant to stop using the APNO because there is a steroid in it and long-term use is not good. 

I have continued taking 200mg daily of Fluconazole and will keep this up until I am a week pain-free.  Then I'll reduce to 100mg daily for a week and then I'll reduce to 100mg every other day.  (My lactation consultant and Dr. are pretty sure I'll have to remain on this dose for as long as I am breastfeeding).

I increased my grapefruit seed extract daily intake to 250mg twice a day for the last week.  This also included a switch from a capsule brand that included oregano to a CITRICIDAL(R) GSE tablet.

I increased my probiotic daily intake from 30 Billion CU to 80 Billion CU, including a Ultimate Flora VS capsule of 50 Billion culture units.

I have greatly reduced my intake of PROCESSED sugars.  This doesn't mean I haven't had any, but instead of four cookies for dessert, I have one.  Instead of pounds of baking over the holidays, I had a piece or two here and there.  I have basically stopped drinking milk (for now).  I have switched to a low-sugar plain yogurt.  I don't eat as much bread as I use to.  I drink lots of water, mostly with lemon juice in it.  (Lemon juice becomes alkaline in your body, which yeast doesn't like).  I have reduced my coffee intake (acidic) and have stopped sweetening it with sugar - I'll either drink it black or sweeten it with Stevia (natural sweetener, but NOT sugar - will not help yeast growth).  I have stopped drinking juice and pop.

I have maintained my intake of lots of fresh fruit (which has lots of sugar, but it's natural sugar).  I am researching the "Candida Diet" more and more and will make some changes over time.  I just feel like I could never cut out ALL sweets/carbs/sugars...But I can greatly reduce and make better food and beverage choices.

My breast/nipples are feeling better and nursing isn't as painful as it has been, which is a great relief. 

Comments on Neti-Pot Use

The Neti-Pot is a saline cleanse for your sinuses.  It can be used everyday for general sinus cleansing and can also aid in dealing with sinusitis symptoms.

I used it twice a day for 4 days.  I was really glad my physiotherapist told me about the strange momentary "drowning" feeling when your sinuses are initially filling with the saline solution.  But once it starts running through the sinuses, you really can easily keep breathing through your mouth and just let the liquid flow.  Stopping halfway through the amount of liquid in the pot is a little tough to gauge (1/2 pot for one nostril and 1/2 pot for the other...but you don't really know when you're done the first half).  After one side, your blow your nose which is dripping with saline solution.  Do the other side and blow your nose until you feel like all the liquid is out.  I usually felt clear and was able to breathe quite easily after doing a cleanse.  I noticed the colour of nasal discharge changed after a couple of days of cleansing with the Neti-Pot.  I also noticed that my sinusitis pressure (which is ALWAYS on the left side of my face) was suddenly able to move from side to side, depending on which side I laid down on.  To me, this is a good sign that things are loosening up, because this is what happens when I have just a normal cold/stuffy nose. (A sinus infection stays in one place - at the site of infection).

Unfortunately, my nose started bleeding a bit this morning with blowing.  I'll take a break from the Neti-Pot today and start up on Monday doing it once a day.  Saline solution can be drying.  We'll see how things progress with once-a-day use.

Snuggly Little Mister

There is something so precious about your little baby reaching out to you for hugs and snuggles! 

We are still working on Benjamin sleeping in his crib.  Currently, I nurse him in my bed, let him fall asleep for about 15-20 mins afterwards and then we move him into his crib which is 2 ft away from my bed.  When he wakes, I bring him back to bed to snuggle and/or nurse and we repeat the process. 

Last night at 4am he woke up and didn't even cry, he just made enough little noise to wake me up and I got him and brought him back to bed with me.  We had just nursed about 1 hour before, so I just snuggled him.  He started "talking"...he says 'Hi' (sounds more like 'ha'..but it's what he says when the phone rings and we answer it).  I started responding, "Hi Benjamin"...he'd say Hi...I'd say hi...we'd smile at each other and giggle together.  Then it happened for the first time...

He reached out and put his arms around my neck and pulled me close, putting our cheeks together.  AWE!  Wow...so amazing to feel your child reach out and hug you, draw you close to them and want to be close to you.  He'd weave his fingers into my hair too...I'd kiss his cheek.  I'd pull away to look at him and we'd giggle.  So adorable!  (And so impossible to begrudge the 4am wake-up!)  Maybe after 15 minutes of this snuggle game he settled in beside me and drifted to sleep.

Left to Suffer...or am I?

Still suffering from sinus pressure and plugging.  Called to go back to Dr. office.  I saw the Dr. that is replacing my family Dr. while she is on maternity leave.  She told me that after 2 rounds of antibiotics that it is likely viral, a leftover symptom from a viral infection (I had a cold in November).  She told me there is nothing that can be done, I am stuck with the symptoms until they work their way out on their own.  Ya, right!  Good luck with that!

I had a physio appointment right after my Dr. appointment.  I mentioned that I was told to just suffer and deal with my sinusitis.  My physiotherapist said she uses a Neti-Pot and that she was told about it by my massage therapist.  The MT came over to sing the praises of the Neti-Pot as well.  I don't know how I feel about POURING liquid up my nose?  But, desperate times call for desperate measures!  I picked one up on the way home! 

Check out the follow-up post on my Comments about Neti-Pot Use.

Last Day of Antibiotics

Took my last antibiotic today.  I still feel the pressure in my sinuses on the left side of my face.  Is it possible that after 2 treatments of antibiotics, my sinus infection is STILL not cleared up???

Happy New Year!

I can't believe it is 2012 already.  Wow!

To ring in the new year, we enjoyed a dee-lish dinner of prime rib, mashed potatoes and Yorkshire pudding at Deda and Grandma Carole's home, in the delightful company of our niece, Liberty along with Maria and the Rheaume family.  We returned home around 8:30pm and were all in bed by 10:30...such party animals!

Happy New Year!!!