Confused, Torn & Stressed about Our Sleeping Arrangements

My hubby's been sleeping in a separate room since our son was only 3 weeks old, (at the recommendation of a therapist/counselor who suggested the arrangement so he would get sleep while I took care of the baby at night).   My son began sleeping in a bassinet, but we have been co-sleeping since he was 5 mths old.  This arrangement has worked wonderfully for our family...but I am no longer so sure it's wonderful...

Our little man is now 14.5 months.  We have been using tips from The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley for the last few months to get him used to his crib.  Instead of bringing his crib into my room, we moved my bed into his room.  He still hates his crib and cannot be placed in it when he's awake.  He has to be sound asleep beside me in bed and only then be moved into the crib.  He lasts in there for anywhere from 30 mins to 2 hrs and then wakes and needs to come back to bed with me. 

Our little Mister is a "high-needs baby" as defined by Dr. W. Sears (our son is very similar to the Dr's 4th child which he writes about).  He is a wonderfully happy little guy, content and confident...as long as he is close to me (and breasts) at nap-time/bedtime and throughout the night.  People have often commented that he is the happiest baby they've ever seen.  I think it stems directly from the close bond and deep trust he has in me and his Daddy, that his world is complete and that we meet his intense needs of closeness and love.

So why do I feel like our sleeping arrangements are not working?  Lately, I have had a few people whom I trust and look up to make comments about our family sleeping arrangements:

• Not conducive to a healthy marriage (no opportunity for intimacy).
• Now that my hubby says he wants to sleep in the same bed as me again, (and I'm not sure I want to stop co-sleeping with my son), that I am not respecting/honouring my husband, (which tears me up inside, because of course I want to be with my hubby, but I also want to be the kind of mother my son needs).
• I should stop breastfeeding so my son learns to sleeps through the night.
• We should just let our son Cry-It-Out and let him learn to put himself to sleep without mommy/breasts, (but I am so fearful of the terror and doubt this will cause my little boy; and thank God, my hubby agrees with me!).

I feel like I am the only one who sees our son's personality for what it is and understands that he needs me more because of it.  I feel like I am the only one who sees the value in making the personal sacrifice of not sleeping with my hubby to give our son what he needs right now.  I didn't ask for a high-needs baby, but I've got one, so why is it wrong for me to want to parent him the way he seems to need?  Will my marriage suffer that much or are there other ways hubby and I could make up for lost time of sleeping side by side?

Hubby and I chatted last night and planned that I will continue to let our son nurse and fall asleep in bed with me and then move him to his crib once he is asleep.  This way, we hope he will grow more and more comfortable with his crib and with sleeping away from me.  But I will let him sleep with me if he needs it, i.e. teething, sick, etc. and is in need of that extra comfort.

Wifehood vs. Motherhood; why is this so hard?